it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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