A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He shit in the fireplace
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
