i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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