haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
