So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
