Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
