the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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