That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
