I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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