why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
