That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
