I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
