We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
