You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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