last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
