Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
