i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
