My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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