How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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