Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
