this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
