Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
