I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this boner is exhausting
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
