I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
