Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
