If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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