foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
