so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Someone stole a lamp last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
