I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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