At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
