Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
