Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
