can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
