Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm passing your future prison.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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