Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
