im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
