I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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