Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
