On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
