Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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