That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
