plz talk dirty to me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
