he shaved USA in his pubs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
