He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
