Having a random hookup so left but love u
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
