I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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