THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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