How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
