Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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