420 ftw
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
