Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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