he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
