He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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